Last week I mentioned that there was surprisingly little to mock in Roberta Ashley’s Singers and Swingers. Never fear though, little doesn’t mean nothing and today, I’m turning my unflinching gaze to a few of the less palatable gems contained therein.
I have a strange relationship with cold soup. Until 5 years ago, I can honestly say, had never eaten it, and had no intention of doing so. I started to come round after a trip to Barcelona in 2008 and a bowl of the most amazing gazpacho I have ever eaten. I have become a fan of this delicious Spanish concoction, to the point of whipping up a batch or two of my own...
So, whilst reconciled to gazpacho, cold creamy soups and I aren’t even friends on Facebook. You know how sometimes, if you eat something creamy you get a film in your mouth from the fat in the cream? That’s the thought that puts me off. Well, it’s that thought that puts me off a cold soup made from the freshest cream and vegetables. I have seen what cold canned soup looks like and believe me, it’s not going anywhere near my mouth! Gross! So, this recipe from Leonard Nimoy is designed to push all the wrong buttons for me. As far as I’m concerned this one can go back to Vulcan, Spock!
The next recipe designed to have me gritting my teeth and muttering swear words under my breath is called Homemade Canned Beans. As mentioned in the last post, I am not averse to a can of beans. Beans on toast is one of my go to meals when I want something quick and healthy after a trip to the gym or a lazy breakfast. My issue with most of the popular brands of beans on the market is that the sauce can be overly sweet. So I was very excited to read the name of this recipe. Imagine if I could make my own beans that tasted like canned beans but with less sugar? Happy days….
Unfortunately, as I read on, it turned out that the universe had another fate in store for me
Remember in the wacky races when Muttley used to mutter under his breath? I did a lot of that whilst reading this recipe.
If you want a better recipe for beans, check out Erica over at Retro Recipe Attempts. If, like me, you have an aversion to an overly sweet sauce for your beans, I think the mustard and tabasco in Erica’s recipe would cut through that sweetness.
Next, on my hit list, we have Southern Fried Chicken À La Mrs Bobby Goldsboro. Personally, I would call this heart attack on a plate but Mr Bobby Goldsboro informs us that:
“I like it because I like Southern Cooking, but another reason is that fried foods are fattening and I am always trying to put on some weight”.
Mr Bobby Goldsboro needs a good hard slap if you ask me. The man must have had the metabolism of a hummingbird!* Just looking at a plate of something that contains bacon fat, oil and cream and is served with mashed potatoes or biscuits, butter and honey would be enough to derail my weight loss efforts for a year!
As a child, one of my favourite tv shows was Get Smart. I would race home from school every day to see which episode was on, I swear I have seen every episode a dozen or more times and, if push came to shove, I could probably recite some of them almost verbatim.
The hero of the show was the bumbling, wise-cracking secret agent called Maxwell Smart, played by Don Adams. Given my love for the show, I was delighted to see that Singers and Swingers contained recipes by both Don Adams and Barbara Feldon who played Max’s colleague (and eventually his wife), Agent 99. More about Barbara Feldon next time but I desperately wanted their recipes to be good. Hers is great. However, in the words of Maxwell Smart, I believe this recipe “missed by that much”. If by “that much” you mean the distance from here to the moon. I can’t even think what this mix would begin to taste like…if anyone is brave enough to make it, please let me know!
I’ll leave you to ponder the utter weirdness of the Don Adams recipe. I’m off to search for episodes of Get Smart….
Enjoy your week!
*Hummingbirds have an incredibly fast metabolism. At any given moment they are only hours away from starving to death.