Remember way back when I made the Spaghetti Bolognese that had the chicken livers in it? You know, “the best Bolognese ever” that prompted me to implement the “Don’t ask, don’t tell rule?” into all future cooking ventures? Well, it happened again this week with the Almost Emerald and Ruby Fruit Salad, and we’ll definitely go there but first….
You might be looking at the above picture and wondering why the featured item is called an Emerald and Ruby Fruit Salad. Because emeralds are green right? Any fool knows that. And, you might assume that, this is one of those quirks of vintage cookbooks that I would normally mock mercilessly.
Unfortunately, wrong and wrong.
Sometimes, the fault lies entirely with me. I’ll pause while you pick your jaws up off the floor. But just to prove a point, let’s count all the ways I failed to notice a fairly crucial part of Nancy Spain’s recipe for Emerald and Ruby Fruit Salad.
1 The name. Emerald and Ruby.
2 Nancy also very kindly provides a picture of said Emerald and Ruby fruit salad. And even more kindly, it is one of the pictures in the all colour cookbook that is in glorious technicolour. And yep, it’s green.
3 The recipe quite clearly states that layer 1 consists of lime jelly and strawberries.
4. Emeralds are green. Even failing all of the above. Logic would dictate that the Emerald layer of the Emerald Fruit Salad would be green.
So, given all that and that I trotted all the way to the shops and bought some lime jelly specifically to make my Emerald and Ruby Fruit Salad, how on earth did I manage to use lemon i.e. yellow jelly in the first layer?
I know . I was astounded at my level of dumbfuckery too. Feel free to roll your eyes and face palm as much as you want. I deserve it. But once you’re done, let me introduce you to my…(erm..just hold on a moment whilst I google yellow gemstones….) highly delicious Topaz and Ruby Fruit Salad.
It still looks pretty but…doofus mistake right? It also then really threw me for the second layer. I had lime jelly left. But, now the recipe called for lemon jelly. Dilemma – use the lime jelly and hope it turns out ok? Or head back down to the shops and buy some more lemon jelly? In the end, I bought more lemon jelly. I figured the avocado, mayo and salt combo was going to be enough of a sell even using the correct recipe. Who knew what would happen if I threw the lime into the mix?
So, now to the next part of this saga.
I live with the fussiest eater in the world. And high on the lengthy list of foods he doesn’t eat are avocado and mayonnaise.
So, I was kind of surprised to get a phone call at work on Monday, after making this on Sunday.
“You know that jelly thing?”
“I saw you put the avocado in”
Fuck it. Now I”m going to have to eat the whole thing myself. I’m going to be eating jelly until Easter.
“But I took some to work to have for snack and…it’s surprisingly good. What else is in there?”
Oh…ermm…jelly. Lemon Jelly.
“Just lemon jelly and avocado?”
Yeah..pretty much…bit of lemon juice…
“Wow…who knew…it’s really good”
Good. I’m glad you like it.
I’m going to hell. I really am. But you know, it also kind of proves my point. Tonight if I served up a salad containing avocado and mayo, it would be left on the plate. And he would probably eat two slices of the Emerald and Ruby Fruit Salad for dessert to make up for it.
Just as long as no one tells him what’s in it.