When Irish Eyes Aren’t Smiling

I wanted to make something really amazing for St Patrick’s Day and when I say something really amazing what I mean is an Irish Potato Salad Roll. And you all thought I was joking when I said I was going to make the PSR into a thing!!!

So, I found this recipe for an Irish Potato Salad – this baby has potatoes, cabbage and corned beef.  Faith and Begorrah, could you get more stereotypically Irish?

I was so excited I played some Mumford and Sons and did a little impromptu Riverdance around the dining room.

Irish Potato Salad Roll here I come!!!!

 The Luck of The Irish Part 1

The first problem arrived when I could not find celery seed in either of my two local supermarkets.  Minor Detail.  I have celery salt.  And celery.  How much flavour is the seed going to add anyway?

 The Luck of The Irish Part 2

I”m just going to come out and say it.  Corned beef is disgusting.  Maybe I bought the wrong sort of stuff but it said Corned Beef on the tin:

The recipe said to cube it, so I assumed it was going to be kind of like Spam i.e. able to be cubed. What I did not expect was this disgusting gelatinous fatty mush which almost made me gag.  There were also big chunks of fat left in the bottom of the can.

And it smelt really bad.

My original plan was to cook the corned beef, onion and cabbage together, then make a kind of chunky mash with the potatoes, mayo and pickle and swiss roll them together and serve it cold.

Having seen the corned beef cold put me right off though so that plan went out the window. Mine was going to be a warm salad.

The Luck of The Irish Part 3

So, I started cooking my corned beef and onion and….oh, god, this bit did actually make me gag.  There was something weird in the meat.  Initially I thought it was one of those lumps of fat.  Except it didn’t melt.

It looked like a piece of skin.  This picture does not even convey the disgustingness of this lump of….whatever the fuck it was…

So, whilst I was dry heaving, the corned beef started to stick to the pan.  So I thought it might be a good idea to throw a glass of wine in there to deglaze the plan. Because wine makes anything better right?

Wrong.  This is how doomed this dish was,  Adding the wine just made a very fatty, milky, winey, even more stinky liquid rise to the top.  This was so incredibly gross it’s kind of making me throw up a little in my mouth just thinking about it.

The Luck of The Irish Part 4

In the end I plated it up by making some chips with the potatoes and making a stack.  Potato, corned beef, potato, mayo and chives, potato, corned beef, mayo and pickles.

 The Luck of The Irish Part 5

If this was a Hollywood version or even a reality tv show, right about now, I’d saying something along the lines of “You know, when I plated this up, despite all the set backs, despite all the trials and tribulations, this tasted fantastic….best thing I’ve ever eaten”.

It was nothing like that.

It definitely wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever eaten.  Then again, I ate bugs in Cambodia.  It was the definitely worst thing I’ve eaten this year.  And this is the gift that keeps on giving, not only did it leave a layer of grease in my mouth that survived at least two tooth brushings  but even though I had the extractor fan on for the longest time, the day after I made this, there was still a fug of corned beef and cabbage through my entire house.

Hmm…maybe this really did need the celery seed.

Epic fail.

Sorry people of Ireland. I tried.

And my head told my heart
“Let love grow”
But my heart told my head
“This time no, This time no

But never fear…just like a benevolent Colin Fassnidge on My Kitchen Rules, I’m giving myself a redemption round.

And this time, it’s something not even I can fuck up.   Roll out the barrel of Jameson’s…next up…we’re having an Irish inspired cocktail.  Please let it be fabulous…or you know…just better than this.  Otherwise, I might have to strategically vote myself out….

How do you plan to celebrate St Patrick’s Day? If at all?

What’s the worst thing you’ve eaten this year? Ever?

What are your thoughts on strategic voting – MKR or anywhere

Have a great week!

Related articles

• St. Patrick’s Day Food Memories and Other Irish-Inspired Food I’m Thinking About on Tuesday (3-10-15)
• St. Patrick’s Day Recipe: Stout-Glazed Corned Beef