Books - Retro Food For Modern Times

Category: Books

18
Mar
2013

Retro Food For Modern Times Invites You To The Worst Cocktail Party Ever

categories: 1970's food, Books, Canapes, Vintage Cookbooks

I have a bone to pick with Louis Ferguson who wrote the Cocktail Party Section of the The Party Cookbook.

Let’s get one thing clear Louis. A cocktail party is called a cocktail party for one reason, and one reason only. And that is the presence of cocktails. So, by rights, given that your chapter contains absolutely no recipe for, or indeed barely a reference to, these alcoholic delights, it hardly warrants the title.

Whilst I’m on the subject – for any workplaces that happen to be reading? Wine and beer are not cocktails. Stop calling events where these beverages are served cocktail parties. It’s annoying and pretentious. Alternatively, keep the name and actually serve cocktails.

That I am even bothering to talking about Louis is because I wanted another chance to use this delight of 1970’s food photography.

Pinapple Prawn and Parsley Pot — Pineapple, Prawn and Parsley Pot

Unfortunately, Louis lets us down here too. In addition to not having any cocktail recipes he also does not offer any details on how to construct the Zig Zag Pineapple, Prawn and Parsley Pot.

What we are given, ad nauseam are Louis’ instructions for canapés – some of which you can see in the photo.

These include:

Spread a slice of toast with softened cream cheese. Cover the entire surface with drained sweet corn kernels. Press well onto the cheese. Cut into diamond shapes and garnish with small diamonds of red capsicum.
Spread a slice of toast with softened cream cheese. Cover with finely chopped red and green capsicum. Cut into diamonds with a wet knife.
Cut buttered toast into rounds with a one inch cutter. Cut thin slices of salami the same size. Place onto croûtes and garnish with three peas held in place by a dab of French mustard.
Cut buttered toast into rounds with a one inch cutter. Cut thin slices of beetroot the same size. Place onto croutes and garnish with halved cocktail onions

I’m sensing some trends here.. Oh, ok, here we go, something different…

Cut buttered bread into small crescents. Cut crescents from slices of mortadella sausage and place them on the croûtes. Garnish with “zig zags” of creamed butter.

Crescents and zig zags. Just when you thought the canapé could not get any better Louis gives us crescents and zig zags. Genius.

However this genius was short-lived. I suspect that by the bottom of the second page of canapé suggestions, Louis was pretty much phoning it in vis a vis:

Spread a slice of toast with mustard butter. Cut into rectangles and cover with several thin slices of cooked frankfurter sausage,

There’s no love in that suggestion. Cold frankfurters on cold toast is not the offering of a man passionate about his craft. It’s the offering of a man who has lost the will to live.

Louis also suggests that once you have assembled your bread-in-a-shape + protein + garnish that you then coat the entire combination in either aspic or a mixture of gelatine and chicken stock. He doesn’t actually explain why. I suspect it has something to do with making his readers and their cocktail party guests as miserable and life-loathing as himself.

Apparently, no booze, cold frankfurters, peas cemented to salami with mustard and a beetroot and pickled onion combo weren’t bad enough. Chicken-flavoured gelatine also needed be added into the mix. Yecchh!

The lack of cocktails has given me a thirst, I’m off to hunt down a tipple (or two) and work on the party food for next week’s post.

Hint…it contains bacon. Lots and lots of lovely bacon.

Have a great week!

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06
Mar
2013

Retro Food For Modern Times – The Party Cookbook (1971) – Part 1

categories: 1970's food, Books, Cake

We are suffering from a mini heatwave at the moment. You know it’s hot when your candles melt before you even light them!

Bathroom Candles

It’s far too hot to turn on the stove, the oven, the toaster or even to move to the phone to order a pizza. So, instead of cooking this week, I thought I might take a little stroll through Anne Marshall and Elizabeth Sewell’s 1971 work “The Party Cookbook.” And why not? If there is a hell, I’m already well on my way there, so what’s the harm in setting my dial to mock and taking a few steps closer to the flames….

I don’t even know where to start in this feast of rich pickings. So I’m just going to let this picture speak for itself…because nothing screams party like this good time gal!

Elah Lowe's Luncheon Party — Elah Lowe’s Luncheon Party

This is Elah Lowe who wrote the Luncheon Party section of the book. Elah’s menu for lunch consists of Chicken Cacciatore, Noodles, Pears Vinaigrette, Cheese and something called Malakoff which sounds a bit like a tiramisu.

Elah has this to say about her luncheon menu

“The following menu is suitable for a special person one has invited to lunch, for any group with a guest speaker or for a party of friends ¹. The luncheon suggested is light²and interesting and can be prepared in advance, which is essential for the hostess who can then be with her guests. She can be relaxed and entertaining, rather than hot and flustered, in the kitchen.³”

So….pretty much any reason to hold a lunch then.
Quiche and salad are light. Chicken cacciatore and noodles? Not so much.
Elah might be good on lunches. She’s not so good on grammar. My understanding is that if you remove the clause separated by commas the sentence should stand. So, that last sentence would read, “She can be relaxed and entertaining in the kitchen”. Hmm…presumably getting stuck into the cooking sherry and cracking a few gags for the benefit of the vegetables. Meanwhile the guests in the dining room are trying not to reel from the shock of that wallpaper. No wonder Elah’s holding out a chair, she’s probably used to people staggering and feeling faint as they walk into the room. The curtains and matching table-cloth? Are just putting out the fire with gasoline.

Moving on to another party girl, let’s have a look at the Morning Coffee Party. This über babe is Enid Wells.

Enid Wells Morning Tea Party — Enid Wells Morning Coffee Party

Enid tells us that the hostess of the Morning Coffee Party needs to:

“Make sure the coffee is piping hot. Percolated coffee is preferred by most people. Instant coffee is preferred by some people because of the short preparation time¹. For a Morning Coffee Party, the hostess should be prepared to serve percolated coffee.”

The shrunken head of the last person who served me instant coffee is now hanging on my wall along with my bow, my arrows and my machete. Be afraid.

Enid also advises that:

“The food should be simple, varied in flavour, attractively presented but never elaborately decorated”

You got it there, sister. Rarely have I seen two more atrociously decorated cakes than the ones in this picture. What is going on with the cinnamon nut bun in the front? Did Enid just throw the icing at it? Also, it’s lopsided to say the least. The icing on the gingerbread in the mid-ground also leaves a lot to be desired….that’s one wobbly line….I dread to think what the other 3 sides look like if that’s the one they chose to show to the camera.

Wow! No sooner than the words “atrociously decorated cake” come out of my mouth than I turn the page and….oh boy….

Kangaroo Cake for a Children's Party — Kangaroo Cake for a Children’s Party

I have never really understood the penchant for cakes shaped like animals.

“Here you are Grandma, have a bit of Skippy’s arse on a plate. We saved it specially for you….now, who wants an eyeball?”

Why would anyone choose to do that? It’s weird and gross.

That’s enough for today, there will be more, I’m only about a third of the way through the book.

I’m going to practice my newly discovered skill of making things happen just by saying them.

Must go, Ryan Gosling’s at the door… and bless him, he’s brought pizza.

Enjoy your week!

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22
Jan
2013

Retro Food For Modern Times: Singers and Swingers In The Kitchen – Roberta Ashley (1967) – Franks, Mince and A Saucer of Milk!

categories: Books, Celebrity Cookbooks, Frankfurters, Minced Beef

Whilst I love all old cookbooks, there is a special place in my heart for the celebrity cookbook and finding Roberta Ashley’s “Singers and Swingers In The Kitchen” was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Subtitled

“The Scene Makers Cookbook Dozens of Nutty Turned On Easy-To-Prepare Recipes From The Grooviest Gourmets Happening”

Singers and Swingers is a collection of recipes from The Rolling Stones, The Byrds, Leonard Nimoy, Barbra Streisand, Liza Minelli and other icons of the ’60’s “that will keep you grooving with the greatest.”

Life really does not get much better than this!

Front Cover - Singers and Swingers in the Kitchen — Front Cover – Singers and Swingers in the Kitchen

Back Cover - Singers and Swingers In The Kitchen — Back Cover – Singers and Swingers In The Kitchen

As teenage columnist for This Week Magazine, Ms Ashley often asked bright young things of the day what their favourite foods were. She advises that many of these dishes were:

“Worked out while they were quietly starving or working in a “pass-the-basket” coffee-house. That means that most of these dishes can be cooked on allowance type money…or very little bread as they say”

Which just makes me love it more…star studded AND thrifty is one of my favourite combinations!

And for those readers who may be new to the kitchen, or hesitant cooks, Ms Ashley offers the following words of encouragement.

“Give it a try, the recipes are mostly easy ones and remember a year ago, Barbra Streisand couldn’t cook at all”

Adorable!

The recipes in the book are mostly solid, with only the occasional piece of WTFery thrown in. If there is a real problem with the book it is that there is a certain degree of repetition in the recipes. Of the 68 main recipes in the book, minced meat features in 11. These include:

3 recipes for Chilli:

Chili by Paul Revere
Chili Esperanza by The Mamas and The Papas. They liked to eat this with scrambled eggs…the thought of that makes me gag a little. (Then again, maybe they should have stuck to softer types of foods like chili and scrambled eggs and avoided the types of food that can get stuck in your throat like sandwiches.)
Chili for Chums. This is not name checked but to my mind is actually the best of the lot.

Paul Revere was the lead singer of a band called Paul Revere and the Raiders who liked to dress up in period costume and presumably precede all of their gigs by repeatedly shouting “The British are coming, the British are coming”.

Ah, those crazy days of the ’60’s. I bet he feels a little silly about wearing that costume now….

Then again, maybe not.

Returning to the prevalence of ground mince, there are also 3 recipes for Sloppy Joe Type Creations:

Sloppy Joe A La Sam The Sham
A Jones Delight by Jack Jones
Snick Snack Hamburgers by Lesly Gore. Lesly Gore was famous for her song “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To”. She must have self catered because these sound repulsive.

Lesly Gore's Snick Snack Hamburgers — Lesly Gore’s Snick Snack Hamburgers

There is an equally revolting concoction called Robb Stew made by one of the three Robb brothers from the band called….you guessed it…The Robbs…They appeared to operate on the principle that if you can’t be original, be consistently unoriginal. Surprisingly, all members of this band were not wiped out by food poisoning in 1968 but 3 of them went on to have illustrious careers in the music industry by founding Robb…I mean…Cherokee Studios in Los Angeles. This studio has produced artists such as The Gogo’s, Aerosmith, Lenny Kravitz, Devo, Public Enemy and Jane’s Addiction to name but a few! Quite possibly this is truly a case of what doesn’t kill you making you stronger.

There are also 4 instances of minced meat with pasta:

Carol Lawrence’s Lasagne
Noel Harrison’s Bolognese Sauce
Paul Anka’s Party Spaghetti
The Buckinghams‘ Spaghetti and Meatballs

Whilst their recipe does sound delicious, some of those Buckinghams look a little druggy around the eyes if you ask me!

Not like these clean living young men from groovy London town!

Wow! Look at the young Keith Richards in 1967 (middle row on the right). And look at him now:

If you ever needed a reason not to take a bucket load of drugs look no further!

The Stone’s recipe is one of the six that contain frankfurters as one of the key ingredients.

Chili Dog Chili by the aforementioned Paul Revere. That man sure did love his chilli!
Golden Joys
Hurry up Casserole
Frankfurter Casserole
Hot Dogs on The Rocks by the Rolling Stones
Frank Pops by The Cyrkle. I have no idea who The Cyrkle were. And if this recipe is anything to go by, I’m not surprised that they have faded into obscurity. Placing battered franks on a stick doesn’t make them more fun, it only adds insult to injury!

The Cyrkle's Frank Pops — The Cyrkle’s Frank Pops

Mind you, the recipe from The Rolling Stones is not up to much either…although…with the right sausage, a proper gourmet one, and proper mash, this could be a perfectly acceptable meal! It can, can’t it? Or have I just been married to an Englishman for too many years?

I love a recipe that comes with its own warning! In case you were wondering

“Mick Jagger invented the potatoes and franks; Charlie Watts added the beans”

There is a tone to some of the entries that suggests there may not have been much love lost between Ms Ashley and some of the celebrities. Here is Ashley’s introduction to Liza Minelli’s recipe for Crepes Suzette:

“Liza Minelli is a little girl who’s come a long way despite a terrible handicap”

The part of me that craves gossip and scandal read on with an overly avid “Wow, really? What’s she got?”

The so-called terrible handicap?

Famous parents.

Unless they had different meanings for both the word “terrible” and the word “handicap” back in the late ‘60’s that is a nasty thing to say about someone! Poor old Liza doesn’t even get a proper photo, just a teeny thing on the cover!

Carol Lawrence also gets short shrift (even if she does get a very glamorous photo).

We are told that Carol is:

“Making a rather nice name for herself in Hollywood; not as a star but as a lasagne-maker”

Ouch!

Not really how a Tony Award Winning Actor would want to be known! Mind you, she did go on to write a best-selling cookbook about Italian Cooking so maybe Ashley’s comment is more prescient than catty.

You may have noticed whilst reading this that there have been no pictures of food. That’s because the book doesn’t contain any. This, as with most celebrity cookbooks, is long on celebrity, short on food. That some of the recipes sound super is a bonus. That some of them sound absolutely vile will be the subject of the next post.

In the meantime, put some flowers in your hair, light some incense and groove out to some fabulous sounds of the sixties. It’s what I’ll be doing!

11
Dec
2012

Bring on The Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer – The Hot Weather Cookbook – Kim MacDonald (1971)

categories: 1970's food, Books, Ugly Tableware

Summer has arrived in the Southern Hemisphere. As I write this it is nudging 40° outside. So, as it is too damn hot to do anything else, I thought I would seek some cooking inspiration from the Hot Weather Cookbook. The book promises:

“Cool easy to prepare meals, featuring luscious fruits, crisp salads, refreshing appetisers, barbecues, light desserts and long, icy drinks”

Bring it on. As I sit here sweltering, I could do with some of those, particularly the long icy drinks! The back blurb further advises that the author Kim MacDonald

“fully understands the problems and potentials of summer food preparation”

As she should, given she has written a book about it. I would expect nothing less. However, the blurb significantly does not claim that Ms MacDonald fully understands the problems and potentials of attention to detail or the problems and potential of colour coordination because there are some shockers in here.

It starts off really well with this lovely artwork. This is not only very pretty but it also has a “Where’s Wally” / hidden object game feel to it. I’ve amused myself for a considerable amount of time locating a garlic crusher, a trident style fork, the ever-present pineapple, a cocktail with an olive in it etc. I’m easily amused. Or possibly delirious. Did I mention how hot it is?

Sadly, the pleasure brought on by that picture doesn’t last long – 14 pages to be exact because that’s when this photo appears.

Did no one involved in this think to take those oranges out of their plastic netting? At first I thought that maybe they couldn’t fully understand the problems of how to photograph a round object without it rolling all over the place. However, other pictures in the book demonstrate that some bright spark realised that oranges can be prevented from rolling by being stacked on top of each other:

Or by being placed in a more appropriate receptacle:

I can only conclude that someone from the art department thought that leaving the oranges in their netting was a creative, citrussy version of fish nets hanging from the ceilings in seafood restaurants. It’s not. It just looks like someone left their shopping on the table.

The styling in this book is BONKERS.

I’ll start with one of the milder examples. I don’t understand why anyone thought this table-cloth would look good with this collection of icy drinks. It clashes with everything else on the page, particularly that purple drink. Although, there’s probably not many places where that drink would fit in. Maybe a circus. One where the clowns kill people.

The next one scares me. There is a distinct “beware of what’s lurking in the dark” vibe. That ivy has a very creepy Evil Dead / Day of The Triffids aura, not to mention the menacing looming shadows. I honestly believe that if you tried to help yourself to some of the Banana Rum Mousse that ivy would wrap itself around your wrist and drag you up the wall kicking and screaming before you could even wonder why the mousse is being served in such inappropriate glasses. And, surely, the only reason for the existence of that tablecloth must be that those colours and swirls do a really good job of hiding the bloodstains left behind by the victims of the evil ivy.

The next photo has an equally hideous tablecloth but there is some internal logic to it. Curry is tropical. Batik is tropical. (But then, to paraphrase my man Martin Lampen, so is dengue fever). You can have too much of a good thing. Which could explain why they chose jonquils for the vase instead of a tropical flower. Personally, I would have gone with a frangipani and a less leery table-cloth but I probably don’t fully understand the problems and potential of theming table coverings and floral arrangements. It’s a good thing Ms MacDonald and team do.

I recently listened to a very entertaining and informative podcast on Stuff To Blow Your Mind about Stendahl Syndrome which is a reaction some people have to great works of art. They can faint, become intensely anxious, or even hallucinate – in short they are utterly overcome by the sheer beauty and magnificence of the works around them. If you want to know more about this fascinating disorder, you read more here.

The reason I mention this is because I had a similar reaction, for the absolute opposite reason, with these next two pictures. Similar in that I started to feel dizzy, headachey and slightly nauseous. Opposite because my reactions were in response to sheer unadulterated ugliness. I honestly felt like these pictures were screaming at me. They not only made my eyes hurt, they made my ears hurt!

I haven’t been able to find existing references to an Anti-Stendahl Syndrome. So, I may have just invented a disorder. Fryer’s Syndrome – what happens when people have an intense physical reaction to something really ugly.

I can’t tell you what appalls me most about this picture of gazpacho. The hideous green tablecloth? The sieved egg yolks that look like maggots? The the ice-cube sitting on the egg? I suspect all of the above. I can tell you it inspired an acute attack of Fryer’s Syndrome. It was however, nothing to the bout of Fryer’s syndrome caused by this:

Oh boy, I don’t even know where to start with this one. I don’t think I can. Being rendered entirely gobsmacked in the face of the fugly must be a symptom of Fryer’s Syndrome.

Ok, I’m now going to try to convince my family that having their previously good name associated with people wanting to throw up in the sight of really ugly stuff is actually a good thing.

As soon as the cool change comes.

18
Nov
2012

The Australian Vegetable Cookbook (1972) – When Good Vegetables Turn Evil

categories: 1970's food, Asparagus, Books, Pizza

The Australian Vegetable Cookbook, sponsored by the food companies Edgell and Birdseye, has its fair share of vegetables turned evil – specifically vegetables turned scary, lazy, nasty and just plain bonkers. First, for a vegetable cookbook there is a distinct lack of fresh vegetables. Nearly all of the recipes suggest using either canned or frozen vegetables of the type produced by…oh…I see….let’s move on. I’ve already annoyed the Australian Women’s Weekly. Multinational food companies also have test kitchens. I need a job. We’ll leave it there.

I will not be silenced on some of the truly terrible recipes contained in here though. Maybe if these companies chose their recipe collators more carefully, snafu’s like the ones to be discussed wouldn’t happen. Recipe collator is a job right? If not, it should be. I am available.

Lets start with scary. In one of the many million Saw films, there is a scene where a girl has to throw herself into a deep vat of syringes. I have an almost irrational fear of needles, and up until recently, that image from the film was my own private version of hell. It is still top o’ the list however, the use of the…liquid….accompanying canned vegetables as a food ingredient creates a very similar reaction of visceral disgust in me.

It may be the word liquid that does it. It’s so….unspecific. The stuff that other canned food comes in has a name. Tuna comes in spring water or olive oil. Don’t get me wrong, there is no way I’m using that as an ingredient either, but at least I know what it is. Similarly, tinned fruit comes in syrup or juice. So why does asparagus come in….liquid? Does the conversation in the lab go a little bit like:

“Well…we know it’s wet….as for the rest…we’re really not sure…to be on the safe side, how about we just go with liquid?”

Yeah, I don’t know why asparagus is being canned in a lab either. Anyway, the use of the “liquid” is why I found this recipe for Asparagus and Egg Mornay repulsive. And somehow, the idea of mixing the “liquid” with milk just makes it worse. Asparagus shake anyone? Gross.

The next scary item is the Asparagus Mousse. I made this as I wanted to understand the ’70’s obsession with moulded food. Despite making it I still do not understand the ’70’s obsession with moulded food. It was horrible. The best thing was that it moulded well. I thought this would taste like slightly gelatinous asparagus and cream. It tasted of tin and mint. I have no idea where the mintiness came from.

I accidentally dropped the cracker I spread with some of this mousse on the ground. The dogs loved it. Mind you, they also eat excrement. I didn’t bother making myself another cracker.

Moving on to lazy we find the recipe for Celery Soup and Cheese Croutons. The first ingredient listed is a can of celery soup. Let me make one thing perfectly clear. If you are making celery soup according to the directions on the can you cannot claim that this is a recipe for celery soup. It is, at best, a recipe for Cheese Croutons. Adding parsley or any other herb does not count as cooking. There is absolutely no reason for this recipe to be listed under celery.

Huh? What was that you were muttering cynical subconscious?

Given that celery is usually used fresh, using it its canned soup form may be a way for the book’s sponsor’s to recoup some of their outlay? I thought we weren’t going there. I thought we’d made a decision not to annoy the multinationals. They have test kitchens and possibly require the service of recipe collators. So button it. We’re going with lazy. Not with shameless display of self promotion.

Moving swiftly along in the list of crimes we come to the nasty food. Potato Gems aka Tater Tots in the U.S. are made from a blend of potato and….I don’t know what…I’m pretty sure the crusty outside does not contain diamonds but whatever it is, it probably comes a pretty close second in terms of hardness. Potato Gems / Tater Tots are one of the few foods that actually hate you. Their sole purpose is to tear the top three layers of skin off the roof of the mouth of anyone stupid enough to eat them.

The Potato Gem Pizza is a repulsive concoction created by pressing cooked potato gems into a cake pan and covering them with pizza ingredients. Sadly, if you Google image Tater Tot Pizza, you get a lot of hits. I’m not naming and shaming anyone here, but seriously WTF? Here I am thinking I have found a new culinary low and people are not only making it, they are so proud of their creation (and mostly not in an ironic hipster way) that they are posting pictures of it onto the internet. Admittedly most of these pictures use the Gems /Tots as a pizza topping, not as the pizza base per the suggestion here but really people? Stop it. Stop it now. You’re depressing me.

I would also like to point out that there is absolutely no way the Potato Gem Pizza takes 5 minutes to cook. It says right at the start you have to cook your Potato Gems for 5 minutes. You then have to:

Press your Gems into a flat cake
Season with salt and pepper
Add all your toppings including carefully laid out spoke-like anchovies and between spoke olives
Then grill until the cheese melts

Do these last actions happen in a time warp? Can Potato Gems tear through the fabric of space–time as easily as they tear through your gums?

And finally, the piece de la resistance, the mec plus ultra of food getting weird. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present the Peach Cheese Fiesta. What? You’ve never heard of it? There’s a reason for that. In the words of Gwen Stefani:

“This s**t is bananas. B – A – N -A – N -A -S”

I like to think an editor hid this recipe deep within the section on Swedes and Turnips, thinking quite rightly that it would never be found. And up until now, it has remained in the obscurity it deserves. The Peach Cheese Fiesta even had Google stumped. Until now of course, because by the very act of writing that Google can’t find Peach Cheese Fiesta, I am creating the conditions that will allow Google to find Peach Cheese Fiesta…oh….that’s making my head hurt. So without further ado, here it is:

I know they took a lot of drugs back in the ’70’s but wow, someone must have stoned out of their mind for this to make sense. I like the way they suggest alternative receptacles for the cheesy vegetable mix. I like it even more that instead of these alternatives being fruits and vegetables that are routinely stuffed (tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, eggplants) that they continue the looniness by suggesting pears and pineapple. I just wish they’d suggested bananas, it would have made as much sense and made my Gwen Stefani reference all the more meaningful.

The Australian Vegetable Cookbook is not all bad though. I am about to make what will hopefully be a lovely 3 course dinner from recipes contained within the book. I’ll talk about that next time. Until then, blot the thought of Peach Cream Fiesta from your minds and enjoy your week!