Category: Tanis

Tanis Inspired Cocktails #4 – Sex on The Breach

With my love of puns, there was no way I could resist this.  The Sex on the Breach is my Tanis inspired version of a variation of the classic Sex on The Beach. sex-on-the-breach

And now for the PSA. If you are in the PNW and you are contemplating having sex in the breach? 

Don’t.

Cease.

Desist.

Stop. It. Now.

At best The Breach contains mutant cuttlefish, psycho squirrels, TARDIS like cabins, strange creatures lurking in the shadows, Eld Fen, and has sent more than person totally loopy….Lord only knows what kind of hellish offspring would result from any sort of hanky panky within those grey pancake walls.

sex-on-the-breach2

I found this version of a Sex on the Beach on Drinks Mixer and was really interested to see how the mix of Chambord, Midori and Pineapple juice would turn out.  In my head I wanted it to have a more murky tinge.  In reality, the lovely deep red was a lot more pleasant to the eye than the colour I had in mind!  Also, the original called for Cranberry juice.  I had Pomegranate juice in the house so I made it with that.  Feel free to sub in cranberry juice in your version if that’s how you roll. It is totally delicious too!

Here’s the  recipe:

Sex on The Breach
Celebrate the Season Finale of Tanis with this super tasty cocktail!
Write a review
Print
Ingredients
  1. 1 part vodka
  2. 1/2 part Midori® melon liqueur
  3. 1/2 part Chambord® raspberry liqueur
  4. 2 parts pineapple juice
  5. 4 parts pomegranate juice
Instructions
  1. Combine all ingredients with ice.
  2. Stir gently, strain and serve.
Notes
  1. You can substitute cranberry juice for the pomegranate juice
Adapted from Drinksmixer.com
Adapted from Drinksmixer.com
Retro Food For Modern Times http://www.retrofoodformoderntimes.com/
With the Season 2 Finale of Tanis imminent (this week?), why not make one of these to sip on as you listen.  Unless, of course you listen in your car.  In which case, read my PSA above. 

There are so many questions that the finale may answer. 

  • Will Nic find Tanis?
  • And if he does….then what?
  • Who the fuck is Mike?   Solved.  See below.
  • Will Nic find Sam Reynolds and Morgan Miller?
  • Can Nic trust CameronEllis?  Will anyone ever be able to separate CameronEllis’ first and second names?
  • Should Nic trust Nathaniel Carter and Veronica Pillman?
  • Will they ever stop calling Karla or is it Patrcia Corrie, Marcus Corrie’s widow?  The dude is still alive.  Batshit crazy but alive and incarcerated at Tesla Nova.
  • Did Nic and MK do it in S2E10? (Yes, they totally did).

And the most burning question of all.

@TanisPodcast WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY IMAGINARY INTERNET BOYFRIEND GEOFF VAN SANT?

He better be boozing in a bar somewhere and not have been lured into the breach by someone/ something only to  end up eating his own arm or gouging out his eyes with a spooky Tanis rock like….Oh!  That’s who Mike is.

sex-on-the-breach-3OMG, I can’t wait for the S2 finale….so excited!  And whilst it is sometimes incredibly frustrating to have to wait for the next instalment, I actually kind of love that in a world where everything is on-demand this is something you have to wait for! 

I have had a fabulous time doing this series on Tanis and I hope that you have also enjoyed both it and the cocktails! 

I don’t think I have said this before but to the makers,writers, actors of Tanis, THANK YOU for making one of the best podcasts, actually the two best most original, creative, well produced podcasts around.  I could not love your work more and I hope you view this tribute as my way of saying thank you for the amazing work you do!   And thanks for the retweets!

Hmmmm…what next I wonder?  Maybe a Black Tapes series?  Who knows?

Stay tuned.

And keep looking.

Signature 1 Vintage Valentine Quick as Wink2

Save

Save

Tanis Inspired Cocktails #3 – The Navigator

The huge reveal of Tanis Episode 209 was that The Navigator is…

Yeah right, as if  I’m going to spoiler that! 

No way!  You have 21 fascinating  episodes of murder, madness, conspiracy and stray right feet washing up on beaches before you can get to that reveal.  Having said that, there’s no need to be daunted, the Tanis back catalogue is still small enough that you could binge listen to it all in a weekend. 

So get onto it. It is actually one of those things that is also worth a second (or third ) listen. 

You could have a Geoff Van Sant moment and grab a beer while you listen. Or, even better,  make this super dry, super citrussy cocktail called The Navigator. 

the-navigator3The Navigator & Clues to Tanis

The Navigator is to Eld Fen what the runner is to Tanis. Basically,  to get there you need one.  And you also need a map. 

the-navigator4But maybe not a map like this. 

Because even when you have a Navigator / Runner, you can only get to Eld Fen / Tanis when the stars don’t align.

As soon as I heard about the stars not aligning my first thought went to the line from  Space Oddity,  “And the stars look very different today”.   I don’t think it’s at all relevant but except maybe for the writers tipping their hat and giving a little nod to the late, great Mr David Bowie.  I hope it’s that and the twist about to come is not aliens. 

The Navigator Cocktail

I found this on the ever reliable, always excellent Difford’s Guide.

Dry Gin, Limoncello and Pink Grapefruit Juice…three of my favorite things!  I added some additional lemon juice to mine.  I figured that if I was going to cut open a lemon from the garnish, I may as well use some of it in the drink too!

the-navigatorThis is so good!  The stars all align with The Navigator.  It is:

  • Lipsmackingly dry from the gin
  • Sweet from  the limoncello
  • Sour from the lemon juice
  • Bright with a hint of bitter from the grapefruit.

It’s like a flavour explosion in your mouth. 

The Navigator could easily become one of my favorite cocktails!

The Navigator
A refreshing dry and tangy citrus cocktail
Write a review
Print
Ingredients
  1. 2 shots dry gin
  2. 3/4 shot Limoncello
  3. 1 1/4 shot freshly squeezed pink grapefruit juice
  4. 1/2 shot freshly squeezed lemon juice
  5. Lemon wheel to garnish
Instructions
  1. Shake all the wet ingredients with ice.
  2. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
  3. Garnish with the lemon wheel.
  4. Enjoy!
Adapted from Difford's Guide
Adapted from Difford's Guide
Retro Food For Modern Times http://www.retrofoodformoderntimes.com/

Tanis Speculation

I have no doubt Nic is about to go into the forest again but with whom? Per the first series, you need four.  So, Nic, The Navigator and two others. 

If I was Nic, I’d take Geoff Van Sant and MK.  But then, given the choice, I’d probably take GVS and MK anywhere with me.  They’re the best.  I think GVS is my secret podcast crush.  What can I say, I happen to have a thing for guys with messy hair and alert eyes who like a drink or two.  And in my head he looks like Paul from Orphan Black.  And that is never a bad thing!

And MK is just the best.  She may also be my secret podcast crush!

I can’t wait…the series two final is fast approaching….I will try to align my fourth (and final) cocktail with that happening!  

Breaking News!

Ladies of the PNW who need a thrilling secret conspiracy to liven up their lives?  GVS is trying dating again.  Why not have a beer with him?

‘kay people of the internet, we’re done. 

Keep looking!

Signature 1 Vintage Valentine Quick as Wink2

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Tanis Inspired Cocktails 2 – Eld Fen Martini

There are wondrous things….

I conjured up the Eld Fen Martini based on a Twitter suggestion by the Tanis Podcast.  And here it is:

Eld Fen MartiniBut first….

What Is Eld Fen?

 Eld Fen also known as Old Fen or King Wurm is a….presence.  And it’s seriously fucking creepy.  Eld Fen sleeps in the darkest part  of the deepest forest. But it’s waking up.  And it’s coming…..

Ever walk alone in the woods and all of a sudden the hairs on the back of your neck prick up and you know something else is there?  You can’t see it or hear it….yet…but it’s there?  Just waiting? Now imagine doing that in the dark.  And you walk into  a circle of birch trees and the crisp smells of the forest fade into something that is sweet and swampy and rotten all at the same time. 

You thought you would be safe in the circle but you’ve turned around a few times trying to find the thing that is out there and now you have no idea which direction is home.  Which is scary because you’re out there in the dark all alone. 

Now multiply that fear by a thousand.  Because the truly frightening thing is that you’re not alone.  Because you’ve woken it up. And it’s coming. 

And when it does?  There will be blood. And madness.  And unspeakable horror. 

That’s Eld Fen.

There are magical things….

Sweet hopscotching Jesus!  I was trying to give you all the Tanis-y creepy chill and managed to scare myself!.  Good thing I’ve got a lovely martini to calm me down!

Eld Fen Martini5

What Is The Eld Fen Martini?

It’s an Eld(erflower) and Fen(nel) Martini with a splash of Chartreuse. So it’s sweet from the Elderflowers, anisey (Tanis – y?) from the fennel and herby from the Chartreuse. Delicious.  The perfect pick me up after a hard day’s work searching for a place that may or may not exist.  And may make people crazy when they find it. 

The hardest thing about making the Eld Fen Martini was trying to walk the line between making something that conveyed the swampy, sickly  aspects of Eld Fen without making it so disgusting that no one would ever want to drink it.  I felt my first attempt, which did not have the Chartreuse, was too pretty, this did not at all convey swampy, hint of pus look I wanted. 

Eld Fen Martini2Hmm….

I bet you never read that last sentence in a food blog before. And now you know why I chose Eld Fen over Hint Of Pus Martini. 

What do you mean you don’t want to have a drink with me?  It’s not real pus.  It’s Chartreuse. Made by Monks.  And not those spooky Order of Cenophus Monks from The Black Tapes.  These are proper French Monks who are far too busy tending their garden of 130 herbs so they can make lovely, delicious Chartreuse to:

  1. Kidnap an itinerant
  2. Rip someone else’s face off. 
  3. Sew said face onto itinerant
  4. Push itinerant off a monastery tower.

Oh FFS, as if I hadn’t already scared myself enough with Eld Fen.  Now I’m freaking out about murderous monks!

There are dangerous things….

Eld Fen Martini 7I wanted the garnish on the Eld Fen to maintain the dark edge.  My favorite maraschino cherry was just a little bit too perky for this.  So I went with a blueberry /blackberry garnish.  And OMG, if you give these a teeny squish?  They start to release little lines of juice which look like veins or splashes of blood! Perfect!

Eld FEn Martini 8

You Get What You Deserve

Here’s the recipe.

Eld Fen Martini
Serves 1
A delicious and refreshing cocktail inspired by the Tanis Podcast
Write a review
Print
For The Fennel Syrup
  1. 1 cup sugar
  2. 1 cup water
  3. 1 tsp fennel seeds
  4. 1 medium bulb fresh fennel, roughly chopped
For The Eld Fen Martini
  1. 30ml Fennel Syrup
  2. 30ml Vodka
  3. 30ml St Germain Elderflower Liqueur
  4. Juice of 1/2 a lime
  5. Splash of Chartreuse
  6. Ice
For The Garnish
  1. 2 blueberries
  2. 1 blackberry
For The Fennel Simple Syrup
  1. Give the fennel seeds a few good whacks with a pestle or heavy rolling pin.
  2. Place the water, sugar, fennel seeds and chopped fennel in a small pan.
  3. Bring to a boil, then simmer for around 10 minutes.
  4. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.
  5. Strain to remove the fennel and fennel seeds.
  6. Place in fridge until required.
For The Cocktail
  1. Chill your martini glass.
  2. Pour the vodka, St Germain, fennel simple syrup, lime juice and Chartreuse into a shaker filled with ice.
  3. Shake, baby, shake.
  4. Pour into your martini glass.
  5. Garnish with blueberries and blackberry that have been slightly bruised to release some juice.
  6. Enjoy!
Notes
  1. You will have enough Fennel Simple Syrup to make plenty of these!
Retro Food For Modern Times http://www.retrofoodformoderntimes.com/
 Eld Fen Martini9

To find Eld Fen, you need a Navigator. 

Why you would want to find Eld Fen is utterly beyond me.  Is your tv broken?  Play some Words With Friends, read a book, write a blog, take up yoga…there are so many things you could do with your life that do not entail pushing you to the brink of sanity and life itself.  But if you must find Eld Fen…you’ll need a navigator.  And that’s where we’ll go next time….

In the meantime, keep looking.

Signature 1 Vintage Valentine Quick as Wink2

Tanis Inspired Cocktails #1 – The Black and Tanis

Regular readers will know what a HUGE fan I am of the Pacific Northwest Stories Podcasts, Tanis and The Black Tapes.  They are both utterly, utterly brilliant, to the point where I barely listen to anything else anymore.  Just obsessively check my Stitcher feed to see if there is new content.  And re-listen to old podcasts so I can find stuff I missed the first time round.

Black and Tanis4

I am always so excited for new content but then I often have to wait a couple of days to listen to it because, particularly The Black Tapes, has some seriously spooky shit going down.  As some of you may also know, the Fussiest Eater in the World works nights and I am of a nervous disposition.  So I can only listen in daylight and when I am not going to be in the house alone that night.  If I don’t then we get situations like the other night when I was bolt upright in bed from 3:00am because I swear to God I had been woken by some….one?  thing? knocking on my bedroom door and there is a spooky psycho killer child on The Black Tapes who:

  • Used to communicate only by knocking
  • Can teleport himself into people’s room to kill them

Goodbye sleep, it was nice knowing you. 

 

What is Tanis?

But I digress.  This is not about The Black Tapes, this is about Tanis.  So what is Tanis?

It’s possibly a mythical place but equally, it might be real.  It may create exceptional song writers who die darkly (Elliott Smith and Kurt Cobain),  assorted madmen, weird dead eyed children and mutant cuttlefish; it may be the place Lucifer landed when he fell from heaven, it may be the fountain of youth, it may be the holy grail.

If it is a place, it may or may not currently exist in the Pacific Northwest, in an area now under lockdown called The Breach. 

Then again, Tanis could also be a person. 

Or possibly a cat.

Black And Tanis 1

Seeking Tanis is radio producer Nic Silver. However, saying Tanis is about a dude looking for a place that or may not exist is like looking at that Munch painting and saying “It’s about a guy who’s having a bad day”.  Technically correct but all the meaning and nuance and complexity that makes it the awesome thing that it is, is totally lost.  Helping Nic is “information specialist” (please don’t call her a hacker) Meerkatnip, (MK to friends).  She is cool and smart and has a wonderful dry sense of humour and is, my favorite character. She finds a lot of information for Nic and really, he would be lost without her. 

The picture below which came from one of Nic’s emails (I know, I’m such a geek.  #sorrynotsorry ) shows some of the details and  connections Nic & MK have uncovered in the search for Tanis however it doesn’t even touch on the links to Charles Manson, rocket scientists writing weird stories, mad trappers, Jack The Ripper, servant girl murders, disappearing planes and two possibly unrelated people with dogs called Monkey. 

As another character, Cameron Ellis might say, “It’s complicated”.  And it is, but in the best, most intriguing way possible.  This is smart, well researched, edge of your seat story telling at it’s best!

So anyway, already long story about to be cut short.  Nic, and others, are seeking Tanis.  So, imagine my surprise when, on our recent trip to Bali, I found it! 

https://i0.wp.com/www.retrofoodformoderntimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Tanis-Villas.jpg?resize=480%2C360I tweeted this picture and someone tweeted back that they wondered what kind of drinks a Tanis inspired bar would have.  My first idea was for a Black & Tanis which is what I have made today.  Then, joy of joys, the Tanis Podcast then tweeted back a few ideas.  So, over the next month I will be running a mini-series of Tanis inspired cocktails, starting with today’s Black and Tanis.

 

Black And Tanis 9

After MK, my next favorite character in Tanis is Geoff van Sant. Geoff’s brother Carl was the person who posted the Craigslist ad shown above before topping himself in their basement.  Carl thought he was, or wanted others to believe he was, a runner.  A runner is….OMG can you just all please listen to the podcast?  Because this really is complicated.  Anyhow Geoff’s catch cry is “Wanna grab a beer?” And in Season 1, Episode 2 it also transpired that Geoff, Nic or both are Guinness drinkers.  So, on top of the name being totally appropriate, the Black and Tanis also seems like something Nic and Geoff might actually drink!  

The Black and Tanis

I didn’t want to make a straight up Black and Tan because what would be the fun in that?  I also love a pun so my idea was to anise up a regular Black and Tan which I would then contract down Brangelina style from Black and Tan and Anise to a Black and Tanis! 

The little guy is actually a mini Balinese satay grill but I thought he looked creepy enough to be included here!

Black and Tanis7

I am not a beer drinker so I was a bit worried that beer….oops, sorry pale ale (for the pedantic people out there) and stout and anise would taste revolting together or that there might be a combination  in the three that would send you barking mad.   Remember when you were seventeen and someone told you that if you drank Bailey’s and then drank soda water and then went on a plane your stomach would explode? I was scared of something like that happening.  Of course, we all know that is just nonsense.  Do we? Do we really?  Does anyone know if that can actually happen? Who drinks Bailey’s on planes anyway?  G&T all the way!

Then I found this recipe:

Cinnamon & Star Anise Beer

And, happy days, I knew this was going to work.  Here is my syrup cooking away.

Black and Tanis8

I used a Gage Roads Atomic Pale Ale  as my tan.  I know nothing about beer so I chose this entirely on its name and a tenuous link to Tanis (Jack Parsons who wrote the short story Where is Tanis back in the 1950’s has been called the Atomic Antichrist). But for those who care about such things it is an American style pale ale.  It was really nice – very refreshing.  I could see myself drinking more of these on a hot summer day!

Black and Tanis 3jpgMy black was a traditional Guinness.  I was pleasantly surprised with the taste of the Guinness as I had always assumed it would be very dark and very bitter but it was a lot lighter and more pleasant tasting than I thought it would be.  I won’t be rushing out to buy crates of it but it was a lot more drinkable than I had previously assumed.

Black and Tanis6

You can see in the photo above, how much “tanis” there was the glass originally.  Despite my best intentions of careful pouring the “black” bled into the tan a lot so the final result looks a lot more black.  If I was making this again I would add even more of the pale ale so after adding the Guinness, it would look more like 50/50.  Still, I love the ombre effect. I also think the Guinness might have been colder than the pale ale because it created a weird condensation at the top of the glass. 

The Fussiest Eater in the World, who is a beer drinker, liked this very much.  I did too.  And it was great fun to create. 

Black And Tanis
A Black and Tan with Anise to celebrate the podcast Tanis.
Write a review
Print
For the Cinnamon and Star Anise Syrup
  1. 1/2 cup sugar
  2. 1/2 cup water
  3. 2 cinnamon sticks
  4. 2 star anise
For The Black and Tanis
  1. 1 can of Guinness
  2. 1 can or bottle of Pale Ale, I used Gage Roads Brewing Co. Atomic Ale
For The Star Anise and Cinnamon Syrup
  1. Combine the sugar, water, star anise, and cinnamon sticks in a small saucepan over medium heat.
  2. Bring to the boil, reduce the heat, and simmer, stirring occasionally, until the sugar has melted, about 5 minutes.
  3. Remove the pan from the heat and allow the syrup to cool, at least 1 hour.
For the Black And Tanis
  1. Place a tablespoon of syrup into the bottom of your glass.
  2. Pour in the beer and give it a light stir.
  3. Place a spoon with the back side up against the side of the glass. Very slowly pour the Guinness over the spoon until the glass is full.
  4. Enjoy!
Adapted from Star Anise and Cinnamon Syrup from Giada De Laurentiis
Retro Food For Modern Times http://www.retrofoodformoderntimes.com/
 Have a great week.

And remember, keep looking!

 

Signature 1 Vintage Valentine Quick as Wink2

 

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Follow
Get every new post delivered to your inbox
Join millions of other followers
Powered By WPFruits.com
Follow

Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers:

Optimization WordPress Plugins & Solutions by W3 EDGE
%d bloggers like this: